My First Letter To The Person Who Is Yet To Break My Heart

I'm sorry that I'm not much of a very expressive person to you, maybe because we still need more time to be more comfortable with each other though it's been quite some time that we've been seeing each other. That's why I'm writing this letter to let you know, in the near future perhaps (or maybe never), how I feel right this moment.

Maybe this wouldn't matter later (now, as you're reading this) but it matters to me now.

Every day, you're in my thoughts. You may not be the only one, but you are, most often than not. And it's still weird, how I'm trying to figure out if it's the same thing with you, waiting for you to send me a message or a call which you rarely do (and likewise).

The first time I woke up in the morning having you greet me with a sweet good morning with your morning breath and kiss on the forehead, I knew this was different. That you were different.

I often catch myself smiling when you inform me of your whereabouts or how your day had been or just telling me your most reassuring words, which still scares the shit out of me. And I wonder if you have noticed why I don't respond to it almost every time you say it. It's not that I don't feel the same way, it's just that I'm still scared. Scared to get hurt again. I'm scared to fall for the wrong person again. But you've helped me break the walls I took time to build to protect myself, to protect my fragile little heart from being crushed again.

There are still a lot of things that you don't know about me, and I of you. We've never seen each other get real mad, upset, extremely happy, and all our other sides. But sooner or later, these will just surface under different circumstances which I'm looking forward to have with you, may they be positive or negative ones.

Please understand that I'm still slowly opening myself to you. Let's get to know each other slowly because I believe that we have all the time in the world.

You must know that you're not my ideal man. Our interests vary in high levels - almost opposites, from films, books, and all other things especially music (I've always wanted a man who shares the same taste in music as I have), but all the more that I'm getting interested in you. To know more of you. And share more of me to you.

Thank you for hanging on for a bit longer than I expected, for making me happy, for just making me feel that I might just have found the person I want to be with for now, if not forever.

I've had wounds from my past, and they still hurt until now, but I'm not using you to mend them, to mend me. I have myself for that. And now that you came, I might just have to prepare myself. We've never fought over anything yet and I am not really looking forward for that happen. But whatever happens, I tell you now that this fragile heart of mine is quite ready to get hurt again, the same way that I'm ready to love again.

Good night. My eyes are falling.

I want to cry rocks

I have a major dilemma at the moment which involves how much of a forgetful and lazy person I am. I forgot my blogger~blogspot username/id and password. This just means that I haven't been opening my account through a PC and just posting through my mobile phone which apparently happens very rarely. I'm trying to juice out all that I can, rummaging through this tiny head of mine for all my usernames and pws I've had for the past couple of years. I've tried everything that I can remember and unfortunately, nothing has worked.

And yes, this is all my fault. I would have wanted to post something about how life's been these days but I just want to cry big rocks right now and sleep since it's almost midnight now and tomorrow's another working day. But.... Ok, I'm crying. This is all for now.

I just hope everything goes well from here.