It's just that I... do not know.

I get really moody these past few days. Unstable. Unable to think properly. I often convince myself that there's nothing wrong with me, but I know there is. There's something that bothers me seriously. I tend to forget it at times but when I am alone and there's nothing to do but scratch my head, it pops up. Just like a computer warning of a virus or something.

The big problem is, I do not fvcking know what on earth is bothering me. What's wrong with me? Is this normal? Or maybe I am just denying the things that make my self forget the people that I have, the things that make me feel so alone. I kinda need some serious help in here.

Vacation is finally here yet I haven't done anything that's summer-ish/vacation-ish. I am looking forward to seeing my old friends again. There's something about them that keeps me secured, remembered, and loved. Talking about old friends, one of my closest boy friends and I were talking about law school. And I was like "err, my father wants me to, I am considering that" which made me feel guilty. At this point in my life, I still do not know what I want. What I want to do with myself.


*I need no sympathy, please. I just needed to get this thing off me so I can breathe.*

FO!

You know what sucks big time? It's when you and your closest friend/s cut the tie between you and the other/s. 

We call that FRIENDSHIP OVER.

I hate it big time thinking that friends should be for each other no matter what happens. If it's over, then maybe you weren't really friends at all. I've been to a couple of FO moments, and I tell you, it's a disaster. I don't want it to happen to me again. It hurts like hell because I value friendship so much that losing a friend is like losing a BIG part of me.

I LOVE MY FRIENDS

AND I DON'T WANT TO LOSE ANY OF THEM

NOT ONE.

but if I do, and I've done my all to save it,

then there's nothing I can do but to accept the fact that my friend's better off without me.

* May God bless my friends :)

When God Gave Out Talents...

Just last night (oh wait, maybe the night before that) while I was doing my nightly routine, I was thinking about talent shows. There's been a lot of TV shows nowadays where people can showcase their talents. To mention a few, we have Pilipinas Got Talent (?), Talentadong Pinoy, Shall We Dance, and etc., locally.  And not only on TV, there's also Youtube.com where everyone can post any videos of themselves, and I've known a few whose talents were discovered through that. People can now easily share to the world what they've got, what God has given to them.


I remember my grade school days when there were talent shows in our classes. Everyone gets excited about it even I, I admit. Yet I don't really remember what I did during those times, honestly. I don't even remember me showing anyone my talent because I know for sure that I HAVE GOT NONE. Yes, not one. Up until now, I still ask myself what if there will come a time for me to show to others what talent/s I've got, what am I gonna do? Then I go blank. I have no answer to that question.


Maybe when God gave out talents to everyone, I was sleeping, too lazy to get up, or nowhere to be found. Or maybe I was just not given any like there's really nothing for me. I was not on the list perhaps.


It somehow makes me sad because I know a lot of people who can sing/dance/paint/write/or do anything really well. But as for me, I am out of the picture. But I am happy, OK?


I even think that I am in the wrong battlefield. Accounting or anything that has something to do with math, was never really my thing. It just so happened that I didn't know of any degree that would fit me when I enrolled in college. And now, here I am, not really knowing where I am going, what I want to do with my life. Not an idea.


My 3rd year in college has just ended, and yes I am still breathing. I know that I only have a year to go and that I have to finish this, but I am thinking that I am not gonna stop right there. I still have to explore what the world has got for me, and what I've got to show to the world.

click to view source

Have a pleasant summer vacation :)

Think Deep, Think Well

I've always known that I often, if not always, do deep thinking when I am at the bathroom. In our bathroom, there's the toilet bowl, Toilet and bathroom in one. It seems to be weird or odd for some of you, but not for me. So there, I was saying that the toilet is the best place for me to think. It is one of the few places where my mind feels at ease and working at the same time.

Sitting on the toilet bowl makes me feel sleepy then the mind starts to wander as if I am in a different world. It reaches distant places, different from what I use to see everyday. But sometimes, I just think about what I am habitually doing: morning shower, my way to school, seeing random people at places where I usually spend most my vacant hours, going to the library, and even when I take my afternoon nap at my usual sleeping areas at school (library and locker area at the 4th and 2nd flrs). I think about what I want to share to different people, people who happen to read my blog, my twitter, facebook status/shout-outs, or those who I meet everyday and get the chance to hangout with, because I want to think first before I let the words go rushing out of my mouth.

Toilet bowl = deep thinking.

So, I was thinking, what if classroom chairs/desks were replaced with these?

Will it be effective for students like me?

source of photo: google images

I just realized that classes for this school year are about to end. My Theology 131 and HRM teachers have announced to the class that we're going to celebrate our last meeting for this SY and they're planning to have a mini-party (separately). The thought makes me think about what am I to do next. I know there's summer class (to enroll or not?) and there's fourth year, my last year as an undergraduate. But I am thinking of what life would be after that?

My father wants me to extend for a year or two so I can finish BS in Accountancy ( because I failed to continue last yr, fortunately?) and maybe enroll at Law school which has always been my dream and will just remain in my dreams.

*After my 4th year, I should probably stay at the toilet for longer hours for me to think deep and think well on what I should do with my life.