I hate your noise

I just do. When I make too much noise, I hate myself. Enough said.

what hair day

I never had a good nor great hair day since the day I realized I had hair growing on my empty skull. It would have been nice to have one, really, and brag about it everywhere, on any method that I could, especially on Instagram. How fortunate of me. I can't even remember the last day I had a brush/comb in my bag. I've stopped owning one knowing that it had no better purpose on my very manageable hair (oh, hi, sarcasm).

That was just a brief intro since I couldn't really think of anything to tell my reader (me. haha). Let me just post some photos.

 Last few days of school and here we are, wearing the same kind of tops, plaid.

Urbandub at Abreeza last Oct. 7

 Dated my good old friends

 And, haha, the highlight of my October. Went to a gig and pre-ordering event of Up Dharma Down (me and my siblings' favorite OPM band) for their third album "Capacities" last Oct 19 and even had a not-too-short chitchat with the band members (Paul Yap, Ean Mayor, Carlos Tanada) and of course, Sherwin de Guzman (who's not in the picture because he's the reason why we were laughing in this photo)

And Armi Millare, of course, the lead vocalist of the band (didn't get the chance to talk to her like the other members because she was too busy being dragged by people, picture-taking, etc. but we had to stop her when they were about to leave. hihi)[photo by Cindz Paulo of Adime Lab]

when all else fail, there's friendship to spare

Been going to church more often to accompany my best friend hear mass

Wishing I was Rooney Mara thin, really, or just get the old uhhh..skinny (could be the correct term) me-in-college back. BUT HOOWWWW? I've been gaining more and more weight especially now that the nearest and coolest place to be in this very hot place is the fridge. [photo from tumblr]

Yes, I take photos the fake me like this, head shot, bang.

Say "Hi" to the real and beautiful me.

I don't really have much to say than the second semester of school has just started last Saturday and I'm feeling a bit anxious.

I have declined a good deal. It could have been a job offer but I've contemplated well for days (even consulted my family and my best friend) and decided not to go any further after getting through the interview because of a few good reasons (well, one is timing) I need not mention. Hihi

And I am too damn broke that I need to rob a bank or a Chinese mafia after having this posted.

I’ll meet my Artist, someday

An excuse not to continue revising my research proposal and resort to making a blog entry: I lost my usb flash drive and I’m getting a little too lethargic on times I shouldn’t be.

So I start imagining things again, trying to create a world within my world, a place which I envision to exist. There, I will meet people. People I hate, people I love, people I will live with forever.

People I will live with forever. There will be, I know they will come. I know he will. That one person.

We will do things together. Walk along the city streets, under the extreme heat of the sun and under the city lights. We will hold hands, as if we’re one and the same.

We’ll listen to each other’s playlists, enjoying our weird taste in music. From the classics to indie, maybe some hiphop, a little RnB, garage, punk, a lot of all the different rock genres, and back to our time – the 90s. Listen to Abba and dance to our mums’ Dancing Queen era. We’ll sing to our favorite Beatles’ tracks, M. Jackson, Bob Marley and the Wailers, The Smiths, Noah and the Whale, Up Dharma Down, local and foreign groups, individuals, we won’t mind. We’ll enjoy the music from our vinyl player as we sip our tea.

We will smoke weed together, get high and let our innards fly, create our world. We’ll do it in our house or at the back of the car or maybe in the bath, just like how Gibson and his dead twin Jamie did it, like brothers.

We’ll run laps in the morning. We’ll skate, he’ll teach me with his skateboard. I’ll watch him showoff his tricks and get a broken ankle (heehee). We’ll swim in pools and the sea.

We’ll have an exchange of vows. Get married. Have kids. And grand kids.

That one person is an artist.

He’s a painter.  I’ll watch him paint our ceiling like the Sistine Chapel and later transform it to a starry night. He’s a van Gogh wannabe. He’ll make a painting of me like that of Mona Lisa, and paint our memories like Guernica. He’ll be my Donatello and Warhol.

He’s a musician. He’ll sing me songs I love and never heard of with his old black guitar.

He’s a poet. A songwriter, a scriptwriter. A writer.

He’s a digital artist. He’ll show me his drawings, from his sketchpad to his pc + tab illustrations. He’ll make comic strips about life, our lives.

He’s a filmmaker and we’ll watch his films together.

He’s a lot of things I want him to be, with different skills and interests. Someone I'm not.

And I know he’ll never come and never be mine. Because I know he does not exist, will not exist, which I’ve long accepted.

But maybe I’ll really meet my own artist, that artist in me. Someday. In another life.

Not asking for more

Unrequited love, unreciprocated feelings, suppressed down to the very core. Not that I wanted him to care, not that I wanted him to know me, yes, he doesn't know me.

Having this Summer Finn mentality along with my I've-been-crushing-on-him-since-(only God knows when)-and-I'm-just-a-stranger kind of life since grade school (different persons, same old me) is who I am, what I'm used to. This has never changed, never will (?), not in a million years. I've always kept it to myself, I might have shared to a few perhaps, but who cares? Who am I anyway?

Summer Finn: a woman who thinks that relationships are messy, feelings just get hurt, and that love is just a fantasy (500 Days of Summer)

I may not be exactly like her, but she does have, what I believe, the 'character' of a lot of women. Some of us are just scared of getting hurt and also of hurting the other. (Or is it just me?)But in the end, we see that she commits herself to a man and about to be wed. This shows quite so that women (in my opinion) are simply complicated creatures.

Possessing the complicated outlook of a woman, I have incorporated both mentalities in me in a very, very safe and compatible way.

Admiring from afar, I do get hurt, building these unrequited feelings rather kept in a jar, hidden. I'm a complete stranger and afraid of messy relationships. He lives his life, I do with mine. We might have a chance of meeting in the future since the world is but a tiny playground, but at this very moment, I am here. And he's just out there. HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW I EXIST. I am content, and I do not want ask for more.

Of Sinkholes and Ice Cream

Down the alley, down the road, I walk. Leaving heartaches behind, smiles I carry with me, I show them off. I walk strong, palpable to the naked eye, felt by the blind, heard by you(even with earphones worn).
Trying to comprehend my purpose, I stopped. Trying to feel the trouble of what's inside, I undressed myself.
Sinkholes were all I had. A sinkhole in my heart, a sinkhole in my mind, of the many sinkholes that I have. A sinkhole deep down inside me. A sinkhole has consumed me, a sinkhole I have become, empty. A temple of sinkholes. One sick sinkhole.
I drown myself. Drown in suffering, suffering of the numb, of the heartless. Strong yet hollow. How could it possibly be?
I wander along the streets of emptiness, of a labyrinth. I lost myself in me. I tried to grasp onto something, of reality and the make-believe. Something in between. Something I could never perchance fathom.
I felt the coldness of the still air, coldness of my warm sinkhole-heart. Is there a cure? I'm not broken. Oh, god forbid.
I know what the heart yearns, what the mind seeks, what the body desires, the cure for all these: ice cream. And perhaps some peanut butter and/or nutella.
With sinkholes and ice cream, I survive.

Mr. Darcy

The newest member of the family just wants to say "Hi!"
You may say "hello" to Mr. Darcy, too!
No updates on life yet. Just Darcy. My life revolves around him.

Walls

They were built strong and tall. The years that passed made them even stronger, impenetrable.
There's a gate of some sort, entry was allowed. The key was inside yet hidden.
She lived inside all her life. I saw her out sometimes. No, very seldom.
I saw her climb up, took a risk for a minute wondering where it could lead her, thinking if it was worth a try, only to realize no one was out. Not a single thing.
The air was heavy, suffocating.
Disappointed, she went back in. Back home. Comfortable. And happy.

On a daily basis. Almost

Being alone in the house everyday has made me even more of that boring person that I am.
By the time I wake up in the morning, I almost automatically make a plan/things-to-do for the day. By the time I get up from my bed, spontaneity also gets up and becomes my company. It is the only reason I can think of why my to-do list gets trashed. Every single day. (Aside from the fact that I always put the blame on anyone/anything not me. Haha)
 

 Breakfast, no matter what's been cooked, peanut butter and jelly will never be forsaken

 Then I check on the laundry basket if there's a need for clothes to be washed. If not, then we skip. Duh

This is an example of unplanned activities getting done. When I have a lot of things to do and read, stupid ideas are being welcomed.

 I saw the container with lipsticks inside and so I tried them on. Only five of them though because I realized it's a total waste of my precious time. HAHAHA I ALLOW YOU TO KILL ME NOW (smell the vanity? I do)

This is just an example how stupid and wasted my day can go. I still have a few days to spare until the weekend so... What else could happen...?
Just another one of my lengthy and senseless post. If you just read it, then hell, you're just as bored as I am. If you care enough to save me from insanity, give me a ring/send me a text message/tweet me and tell me we have to hangout (or even joke about hanging out) just so I can feel that the world is still spinning and that I still have friends. Hahahaha
Good night!

Relaxed

A month has passed since I became officially unemployed. A few have asked if I have started my job hunting yet and I give them a shrug. Now I ask myself, "Have I?" then I get the same answer.
I get the pressure of being an unemployed graduate (I finished college last year) because once you get out of college, you are expected to have a job a few months after graduation. What happened to me last year was, I started working a week after graduation. I was too overwhelmed to get a job offer, not really thinking if I like the job that was being offered. I didn't even have any idea what it was all about. I was too excited to earn my own money!
A few months passed and I started to feel burned-out. I cannot really say that I didn't like what I was doing but going overtime almost everyday totally made it worse. Life wasn't there anymore. I did enjoy going to the office because of my colleagues-friends. But you really cannot go away with those whom you can't stand seeing (I don't want to do a naming game in here, okay?).
Then it hit me, do my efforts receive enough compensation?
*I can't pay our electricity bill (sometimes I give, most of the time I don't)
*I pay for my cellphone bill
I can't go through the deats really, it's nonsense.
My point is, I was not happy because I cannot give my family enough. okaaay, I know that I do not know how to budget my money, but is it even enough to be budgeted? Hahaha ang arte lang. And I believe that having an undergrad degree is not enough nowadays especially for those like me whose course cannot get them to take board exams after (sa opinion ko lang ha wag kang magagalit, pero maganda ang business course kung gusto mong sa office ka at marami ka nang pera at gustong magsimula ng sariling business dahil mayaman ka nga).
Ewan ko san patungo tong post na to pero ang alam ko nagpa-enroll na ako at mag-aaral na ako uli ngayong SABADO!
What a boring update! Till the next boring one!
Oh, wait. I have new photo albums in my multiply account:
My Share of April 13-15, 2012 photos (my first time in MNL) and
April 13-15, 2012 (MNL-Tagaytay-Batangas-?)
Thanks! Have a great hairday! ||@_@||
 

Hi, Mama Lomie/Lumen, I love you!

 Panglao Island, Bohol circa January 2012

My mom's cool like that.

 circa January 2012

Lola Gaya with her eldest son, my Papa

May 13 is Mother's Day. It's not May 13 anymore but I believe I still owe this blog a post, one for my first love, my mother.

Mama, known as Lomie to some, Lumen to others, is a very simple person. Born in the rural area of Maco, Compostella Valley, Mama lived a very simple life at the province. She would often tell us stories on how poor her family was to make us realize that we should be very thankful for having been provided with everything that we need.

Mama is a smart kid (it never changed). She finished high school as salutatorian of her batch and took up civil engineering in college but gained two titles as she passed two board exams on the same year she finished college. Papa named her "engineer-engineer" for being a civil and a geodetic engineer.

She didn't really wish to be an engineer for she wanted to become a doctor/lawyer. But because of the lack of financial support from her family (they were really poor back then, as she often says), she was forced to choose a course which was available at her school, Notre Dame of Cotabato, that time.

She was then employed at the Dept. of Agrarian Reform regional office and still is an employee of the same until this very moment. She met my Papa at work. Haha! And now, they have 4 kids who love them so much.

My dear mom is a very loving, patient, conservative yet liberated (in a way), funny, witty, and a cool person. She may not be perfect  (no one is), but someday when I become a mother, I wish to be like her.

They say that 75-80% of a child's intelligence is from his/her mother but mine's the opposite, I believe. I have accepted that fact a long time ago and we all laugh to that. Haha! But at least I can brag about having a smart mom! (Si Mama lang muna because this is for her, Papa, stay calm haha

I love you so much, Mama, and nothing can/will change that. Thank you for being the best for us, for the whole family. And I got my looks from you, haha, I must be happy.

Happy Mother's Day!

P.S. The last photo shows my father being a mama's boy. Happy Mother's Day, Lola Gaya! I am so happy to have that day celebrated with Mama and Lola. Hope you had a great time with your moms, too!

I say Hello..

Months have passed and I am still out of words. Or I'm just convincing myself that I am when I actually have a million things to talk about. No, I think I also have a long list for excuses on why I couldn't even give a decent update every once in a while.
Lazy, slow internet connection, in-and-out ideas, too many things to talk about I cannot decide which must go first, lazy, lazy, lazyass.
The best update I can give for now is I am unemployed and I am too lazy to hunt for a new job.
I say goodbye.

February, my good friend

Today marks the additional day of the year (which makes 2012 a leap year) and also the last day of the month (which makes me guilty for not making even a single post). I've always been thinking of doing an update but the sloth in me knockouts the thought. So, to compensate, a brief post of hap/s for this month with a number of photos will do.

(at Tiny Kitchen, 2-4-2012)
(here comes the food)
The first weekend of the month had a lot to do with food and friendship. Those two persons who were with me have been my confidantes since the world began, my real sister, Kikits (notice how we look alike) and my best friend, Krissie (my sister from another mother).
The three of us share a common love: tea and food.

(at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf 2-10-2012)
Jamz, Ilai, and I
We often see each other on Friday nights at coffee shops and the like since it's the only time our schedules meet. I feel really blessed to have met these ladies more than 8 years ago.

(at Grand Emperor Seafood Palace, Valentines Date)
Involves family and food.
They have saved me from the lonesome days of the year, annual Valentine's date with the family is always a better manifestation of love. Always.

(Ash Wednesday)
Photo was taken at Maitre Chocolatier, a time for the start of fasting yet Krissie and I celebrated our Bestfriendship Day, so we feasted on food. Guilt is crawling through me so I will not show photos on of our glutton session.

(at Green Coffee 2-24-2012)
My siblings, along with my best friend.
We first had dinner at Lachi's and had a little fozen yogurt at Yoh Froz before we headed to this place. I love being with these people. They bring out the worst and the best in me. I love us :)

A few days ago, I had my first taste of one of these:
the pistachio-flavored gelato was the one we bought. I just couldn't fathom it's unbelievably expensive price! It is way more expensive than your regular ice cream like Selecta/Magnolia/Allegro! Ha-ha-ha
But because it is ice cream and it is food, it must be understood and forgiven.

If you've noticed, the month was mostly about food and who I gobble it with. Food is essential. Food is life. But food must not get in the way of living a healthy life. Which forces me to go on a diet for the month of March. Hahaha!
Happy first of March!
(it is past midnight and I still have work tomorrow! good night!)

Cebu-Bohol-Cebu

As a continuation to my previous post, I now share how the trip went.
Mother's plan was to visit the Registry of Deeds at Cebu City to inquire about things I do not want to know. I went w/ her carrying my heavy bags. It was way beyond exhausting that I almost collapsed because it was too hot in there, we were walking around the city. She didn't want to get a cab because she knows that it was only nearby, so we walked, and walked and walked.

Finally got there but Mom said, unfortunately, they didn't have what she needed. So we bought tickets at the pier and went to Bien Unido, Bohol where we stayed for a night. My ninang traveled with us so she suggested that we stay at her place to save some cash.

Fast craft to Bohol. Was entertained by watching music videos and some movie w/ Jessica Alba in it.

This is the 'nineteen kupung-kupong' bus that we rode on the way to Carmen, Bohol. It was 4 in the morning by the way.

(Sagbayan Peak)
After some negotiation with van drivers at Carmen, we finally rented a van to tour us around Bohol. The driver was very kind and accommodating. His wife also went with us.

A view from the place they call 'Chocolate Hills'.

Loboc River Singers.


Dauis Church, some snake I do not know who and the man-made forest.



Tarsier Conservation Area and Baclayon Church.

Had the chance to wade through the waters of Panglao Island.

Fort San Pedro in the background.

We went back to Cebu and stayed for a night. I met-up with n old friend, Kaye Chanyee, who also went to Cebu with her family for the weekend. We spent the night together with her brother and another friend of mine. It was definitely a trip to remember, my first time to travel that far from home.
I still wish I could travel more. I'm young and it's definitely worth doing. I guess I'll end this post here but if you wish to, you can see more of my photos on the trip at doublela.multiply.com
You may also click on the photos to make them larger.
Until then! :)