I prefer not to speak

I've got a lot of things in mind but a number only find its way out. Some I write down. But mostly they just stay where they are, at a tiny space in my head, bumping into each other.

But when I tell you something, I mean it with all my heart. Some feelings are meant to be said and shown anyway. And I no longer want to be the selfish being that I've always been.

I suppose this is my second letter to you which I won't tell you about unless you find your way here.

It has been months since we've agreed on us, being us. It actually took me a lot of time to digest and let reality sink in that I now have someone special in my life. But you make things run smoothly, and I admire you for that. Because I never thought someone could handle me and accept me for who I am, my bestfriend and family aside. Even I have a hard time dealing with myself.

Let my silence not be of a bother to you, for it gives me time for myself, more like a recreational activity, a favorite pastime. It could be because a lot of things have come to mind, all at once, or just a breather from everything. Sometimes, when we're together, it's like a storm of questions wanting to rush out but only one or two successfully make its way out from my mouth. Then I just let the others pass by, better luck next time or just forget about them, which I do best.

I'd want you to know that there is actually a gazillion things that I'd like to thank you for.

For being so adorably cute when I squeeze your face, forcefully cram every part of it in the middle. Haha it really makes me happy, so please don't hate on me.

For patiently waiting for me after work when you can always go home ahead, which really makes me guilty btw. All the time.

For listening to all my rants about work and life and just about everything.

For asking questions, and just keeping the conversation going because I like to listen as you talk. Hearing your voice keeps me calm.

For holding my hand. Just because.

For keeping me sane and insane.

For making me laugh. All. The. Freaking. Time.

For being with me without pretensions, just beautifully unmasked.

There's a lot more (I told you I have a gazillion) but my eyes are too heavy they're about to fall. And because it's always past midnight, when silence is all I hear, that thoughts of you and I come which I wish are to last even for this ungodly hour, if not for this lifetime.

(Wow, this actually took me 10 days to post haha 28thofOctoberat0224hrs)