Past midnight sonata

Mustered more than enough courage to write about you. I'm pretty sure you know who you are. But really, do you? Because I put some thought about it but I couldn't get a grasp of your name. What about it? Read on if you care.
It was when I knew, we knew, that our friendship cannot get any further than how we once wanted it to be. Yes, at some point in our lives we hoped for something more.
You.
You are my best guy friend. The one who confessed to me on a night out with our friends. You were drunk. We were all laughing at you. Morning came and a text message from you said that everything you said from last night was real and not a bit of guilt and regret were to be felt. And, yes, that your lover got mad at you for going home early~in the morning.
You are that person who I met one night while I was out drinking with my friends, confident enough to walk to our table and ask for our names. Friendship was built from weeks and months of crazy late-night and early-morn phone calls, nights and nights of going out until our body clocks got fucked up. You saw my crazy side, the one I wouldn't want to go back to.
You are that person who lent me books to read rather than letting me sleep alone at some random place which was once too familiar. The one who randomly gave me apples to munch. At some time became the last person I had to see at night and the first one in the morning, never wanting to get out of bed. The one who once prepared breakfast for me while I sat on a chair, sipping my morning drink, staring at some chopsticks you own.
It's just funny how all these memories of you come at past midnight. Colorful memories of how you said you'd still choose me over your lover but never had the chance to prove it because you were too weak, because you thought I'll never be proud of you when I've always been since day one, because you thought you'll never be enough for me, and because you'll always be a brother and a best friend which for me is more than enough.
How we'd wander around the city with it's beautiful and bright lights. How you'd drive me home in the morning after hours of having weird conversations and awkward moments of silence, how our lips would meet to say goodbye.
How you'd send me random 'I miss you' text messages at past midnight. How your lips landed on mine under a beautiful night sky while we were staring at the moon as it was slightly being covered by the earth's shadow. How you'd kiss my hand, my cheeks, and my forehead while trying to get to sleep. How our eyes would meet through the darkness of the room.
How you left a mark in my life.
How everything happened during the most vulnerable days of my life.
How everything never really happened.
How music just selfishly eats up my ever hungry soul which peacefully wanders
at past midnight.

Take it easy and just 'meh'

The television is too noisy. Problematic private lives of people all over. Issues of more importance are being neglected. I do have a choice not to tune in or even turn it off, but I don't have the energy to get up and do such or even find the remote control. What a waste. I can always choose not to listen. I'm not even watching. I have homework to finish and an exam due tomorrow noon. Oh, fuck.

On the other side, the positive one, today is me and my best friend's bestfriendship day! Normally, we'd hangout and pig-out but since we're miles apart, we'll just have to talk over the phone later Or maybe not. And she's coming home soon! Can't wait!

So here, I go talk about her. This could take about forever but I  can make a few adjustments. Hehe

We've been friends for more than five years now, knew each other back in the first semester of our first year in college. We'd always do crazy things back then, and she's one of the persons who I can do crazy things with, unmasked.

At times we feel like grownups, we talk about more serious things, like our families, our separate lives, our different friends. Those 'grownup' conversations made us realize that even though we're alike in so many ways, we're also two persons of different views in life and love. Like two opposite poles. She's a very sentimental person, cries at very shallow issues, gives importance to simple things, ceremonies, and just happy and content on what she has, and I'm like 'mehhh'. We used to have this huge, and I mean huge, difference on our music preferences. She's like the secondhandserenade-rhianna-beyonce-chrisbrown-owlcity-ish type (she is going to kill me for this) and I'm the 'mehh' type, but as we grew up and older together, for five years, we tried to influence each other. I let her listen to the songs I like, bands I adore, and etc. (I'm not saying that I have the best taste in music, but I didn't really like hers so I dominated heeheehee I am the evil best friend). So now we don't argue too much about music, we're on the same track. But on other issues, we still argue a lot. It's a very healthy learning experience.

There have been negative shits about our relationship, like we're a bi/lesbian couple (god, it's just unending) stuff like that. And we're like 'mehhhh, you're not even my type' and just laugh about them. Geez, so kitid their ulo.(no offensive intent in here, we're not against gay/lesbian couples, ok?)

I found comfort in her. She's the sweetest lady I know. Hugs me randomly, laughs when I trip myself or anything that has to do with my clumsiness, hits me for no reason at all. How sweet is that? She's so cute when she gets kilig over her crushies in private. Haha! She's like my sister. When I share things about my so-called blah love life that never was, she'd give me honest opinions even if she knows she'd hurt me. Like when I dated some guy before that she really didn't like, she did listen to what I had to share but also told me upfront that she's not interested in my stories about him (she just rolls eyes and gives me the 'meh' look). But if she likes the guy for me, she'd be super supportive all the way! There's this instance when she even suggested to tell my parents that I'd be staying at her place when in fact I was with some guy (her manok) that time. (Sorry mum, and pop, I had to lie about it, ang strict niyo kasi.  I know it was a mistake, I admit it and I regret it haha). That's how my family trusts her because they know nothing bad is going to happen to me/us if we're together.

She's always been the good girl, the responsible, the rational one. I cannot argue with that. She's just the best. When I'm on my mood swings, she'd just be 'meh' about it. When she's on her whining episodes, we'd both go 'meh' after all the ranting and whining and get ourselves some comfort food.

We have both accepted each other's differences, agree to disagree on some issues.

Someday, some lucky guy is going to have her, love her, be her boyfriend, marry her, and be the father of her kids. That lucky bastard has to go through my enormous iron fist before he gets her (haha nonsense). But as long as she's happy, I'd be happier. And vice versa.

We don't see each other too frequently (even when she's in Davao, weekends are enough), don't text every day, don't talk every day, but we know that when some shit happens, we'll always find a way to get through it together no matter what. Of course, that's what real and loving best friends are for.

This is a very unflattering photo of us both

I still have so many things in mind right now but they are all mixed up in my cluttered brain. So that's for now.

Here's a song which I've been listening to but not related to this post.

Don't wanna love, don't wanna hurt
If all that loneliness requires
Is just another's comfort
Better off being a lonely road
Cause there's beauty in being alone

Ps I want to show you a photo of our dogs (I am their master and love is greed haha but the owners are: my best friend, my siblings, and I, of course)

Have a 'meh' day!

Friday

Today is Friday, my cram day. And how have I been spending it? I don't want to share. It is too sinful for someone who has a paper due tomorrow. But I know you would have guessed it anyway. The internet is just too fucking tempting and it kills time faster than window shopping.

It’s too early for lunch but the food is ready. I guess I’ll be skipping lunch today.

Here’s a song for you:

 I'll never say I'll never love
But I don't say a lot of things
And you my love are gone

So glide away on soapy heels
And promise not to promise anymore
And if you come around again
Then I will take, then I will take the chain from off the door

You

It’s another of those hours at night when you always manage to creep into my innermost thoughts, the ones which I always try to forget at dawn of the following day. I get tired, too. Forcing myself to put everything behind us now, but you know what? I always fail. Is this a call for sympathy? No. That is one thing I would never try to ask from you. This one is for myself.

For the longest time, I have been shut in with those few words released from your tactless mouth. My vulnerable being was trapped with the words I still hear in my mind which I now forgo. Forever.

I do not hate you not because I cannot, I just do not want to. You are a part of me, a fragment of my memory, one of the few things that make up my wholeness. You are someone I don’t regret meeting, one among the few who have come and have gone.

I do not love you. I could have been there. I could have stayed there. But I never did. I chose not to. I know I did the right thing.

Thank you.

It's a sunny afternoon

I am not a coffee drinker, but I'm halfway down my cheap mug. It's just an ordinary day with my ordinary routine ~ breakfast preparation for the whole family including my dogs at 5 to 6 am, dog-feeding at 7 am, and extra time onwards which I opted on dreaming. Yes, I slept the whole morning. I woke up to a headache but still forced my ass to do my work in the kitchen because I love my family.
See, I have more than enough time for myself but I still find myself cramming for school on Thursday nights until the dawn of Saturday. That's me.
At the moment, all I can do is watch my dogs pee in their corners at home. They still don't have their own cages because I still can't afford them. Maybe some time soon. I don't want them living on cages but it's part of teaching discipline to dogs and I don't really have much of a choice if I want them behaving at least well enough for the whole family.
The house smells like pee. We've been throwing out outdated piles of newspapers daily with our Mufasa's (a male chow) and Pumba's (a male mixed/askal) waste on them. I cannot allow them to go out yet and answer to nature's call until they're completely okay. They're still under medication for amebiasis/amoebiasis until this Friday and still on their first shot of vaccines and deworming. I cannot risk their health at this vulnerable time of their lives so they have to stay inside for at least 2 more months.
Dog-talk~baby-talk. I get mad at times but staring at them even for a few seconds melts my heart. They're my happiness. Feels like I gave birth to fraternal twins. I feel like a mother.

A week, an escape

An in-betweener while actually making my paper in one of my classes and keeping an eye on my sick dog. Usually happens, if you know me well. Mother says I’m too good at procrastinating, no argument on that issue. Guilty indeed.

Witnessing (not literally) my best friend flying to Manila and back more frequently than I can count, watching band gigs at venues I’ve only seen in photos and read about in band schedules having no idea when I’ll ever set foot on, going to art fairs I can only wish I could, eating out past midnight in food markets I just can’t help but drool, are only a few of the many stories I’ve enjoyed listening to with all the exhilaration I can feel in her voice. It has been almost a year since I went to the metro and spent a little less than three days, lesser than enough to explore its grandeur, both positive and the other.

Two weeks ago was yet another chance to visit the city (or cities, technically), a three-day visit turned to a week, just as unplanned as my presence. If not for my grades, I wouldn’t have bothered.

The first few days were intended for our educational tour/seminar in my Financial Management subject, started on a Sunday and ended on Tuesday, and brought me to Intramuros, Fort Santiago, Star City, Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas, Ayala Land, Inc., and the Philippine Stock Exchange.

My best friend, Krissie, and I flying.

 

At Fort Santiago

At Star City. Paid for unlimited rides but only got to enter the 'haunted house' which had the shortest line. All the other good rides had lines I couldn't bear.

 

Realized what a waste it was to stay at Star City so we decided to head to Robinson's Magnolia and had some desserts from their ice cream house. Passed by Conti's and had a little cake.

At Ayala Land Inc. after a talk with Sir Leo, our resource person

Money Museum, BSP

 

Hi, Ejay! Nice meeting you for the first time!

 

Dinner mother, best friend, and  a few relatives at Kaya, a Korean restaurant in Glorrieta

On the last night of the supposed trip, mother called and made sudden changes. My stay had to be extended. I was a bit hesitant at first knowing that I had a requirement to finish for another class which was due on Saturday of the same week. But I also could not decline my uncle’s request to stay longer to maybe help a bit in babysitting my 3-year old FilAm cousin(whom I’ve just met) whose mother (my Aunt Cath, mother’s sister) is pregnant and is due this month. And so I did. I did it with clothes good for 3 days of use only (two sets of corporate/office attire and some extras I thought were of no use). I had to use all the available resources (borrowed a few from Aunt Cath’s and Krissie’s) to maximize everything. It wasn’t easy, but I managed.

 

Had to reward ourselves a little

Half day spent at Intramuros (again) to accompany my uncle for his visa extension at the Bureau of Immigration. Walked around and walked more, all the way to Rizal Park because we just felt like walking under the scorching heat.

Cousin Ejay who wanted to take a photo of his red nose. Such a photogenic kid.

 

Finally met my former colleagues in Phoenix Petroleum, The Fort office.

Getting lost in The Fort,BGC after some food tripping at Mercato Centrale night market

Slice!

Went to Omni Aviation at Clark, Pampanga for the Hot Air Balloon Festival

 

Bumped into our good friend, The Migel!

Getting a tan on our camp!

(obligatory MRT photo whilst applying lipstick on dahil walang tren o mrt sa Davao!)

 Headed back to Manila to watch the Pyromusical Competition in SM MOA (Taiwan VS Spain)

Laguna Fart

(the boarding house where my best friend is currently staying. Just left her baggage and went back to mnl)

Here's Tarsy, the Wow Magic Sing mascot who was actually walking around MOA while we (Ate Kai and Krissie) were looking for prospect pasalubong. Because of my weird love for mascots, I felt the impulse to hold his hand, I really did. I even told him to walk me around because I'll be heading back to Davao that afternoon which made him ignore the kids we passed by who wanted to hold him as well. Hahahaha sorry kids, I'm such a bully. He gave me a Tarsy pin and told me to like his page on facebook then bade goodbye.

With limited time and finances on hand, I hadn’t really had the chance to do all of the things I was always looking forward to do, nonetheless, I did have fun. But I’m more than thankful for the unexpected turn of events which gave me a chance to take a glimpse (literally) of Pampanga and Laguna like I just left my fart there. No regrets. I got to spend quality time with my relatives, friends, and my best friend (who by the way didn’t come home to Davao with me for this obvious reason: work), and of course, myself.

As for my next out of town trip? I really can’t tell. All I can do is wait, get a job, have some money, and of course, book a flight.