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i don't know if i should get angry, furious, crazy, or whatever, just not the word happy. and now i've come to realize that this is not a happy world. i grew up thinking that i have a perfect family. that i have the best mum and dad by my side. but i was wrong. i know my parents go through misunderstandings often, but i got used to it. not really knowing the truth behind their silly fights. i don't know who to hate right now. and i don't know if  there's a god out there who could help me and my family. my mum believes in 'Him' of course, He's the only One she can run to. but for me, i don't think so.

now, if something bad happens to my mum, i will never, ever, ever, ever forgive my dad. i loved my dad. the key word is loved. i love my mum. i love my family. and i freakin don't know what i should do. 

i always say to myself, 'what more can i ask? i have the best family' but then again, i was wrong. i already know the truth behind those silly fights that i've been talking about. now i don't call them silly anymore. i am the one who's silly. i'm sorry mum. i never really understood you until you sent me that email that i just read this morning. and i never thought that we're already in the worst state that i can think of. how old is my sister? 20? so you suffered this marriage for 20years already? that is unforgivable. now wherever you go, mum, i'll go with you. i swear. but please, if ever i go to hell, let me go alone. never, ever come with me. i shall go ALONE.