three months

Approximately 90 days.
How would you feel if you were given three more months to live? How would you spend it? I bet some of us would want it to be planned, connect with whoever we want to give thanks to, to ask for forgiveness, to show love, or just to do the little things to those people around us and leave pretty memories as we go.
But what if only those people around you know that you only have three months to live?
This idea has been bothering me since yesterday, when my family and I had a short visit at the hospital where my uncle (my father's cousin) has been staying for a couple of days now. I've been trying to keep myself busy to stop myself from thinking about it for it will only crush my heart more.
With my uncle's deteriorating body getting more palpable, I never thought that his condition had come this far. I was only thinking of high fever + old age (but he's only 61 or 62) + some bacterial infection in the stomach area. But when I asked my father about his situation, on what is it that he's suffering from, I got lost in myself. He is suffering from cancer, colon cancer to be more specific. And he might also be suffering from bone cancer, too, already having a crack on his spine area.
I couldn't even breathe properly. I wanted to help him breathe. I wish I could.

old and young

21. For a woman's age, it is the time when she is to be fully-recognized as a lady. Even a clothing company for ladies is named after it, Forever 21.
Twenty-one. And I feel old. Every time I see students in their school uniform, I feel a lot older. I see my grade school Alma Mater every working day and I feel old. I realize that I already am working, I feel real old. I see any of my siblings growing, I am old.
Some may say I've missed a part, or maybe a lot, of a post-teen-pre-adult life. The partying 'til dawn, drunk-dancing, drunk-driving, smoking weed, boyfriend cuddles, romantic shizz, and a whole lot more of what you may call fun. Yes I didn't get to experience them. I am boring, I know it, and I admit it.
But I'm not because I chose to spend more of my precious time with my real friends (I'm clingy) and my family (a lot more clingy). I prefer intimacy: long talks with anyone from the family, tea time with my sister or my best friend, a walk with myself along the streets of the city, a visit at an old friend's house, or just hangout with the few close friends that I have. These are a few, yet the best, things that make me happy and say that I'm young. Young for not having experienced what most of my age have had.

And I guess I'll be staying young for a while. Maybe, forever.

I see me wearing lipstick. Damn, I'm old.

November was pretty

I bet this will be my last post for this month. Makes sense since today is the 30th, the last day of the month, and I say this month has been good to me, all too pretty to be forgotten.
Highlights:
*spent the first night of the month with my old friends (high school) and even watched Praybeyt Benjamin with them

*ran for 5 kilometers together with my siblings, and my best friend plus her siblings at the Milo Marathon

 *my brother won as 1st runner-up as their school's Mr. Intrams with the help of our dear friends who were kind enough to support my brother, especially to my best friend, Krissie

 *saw Franco perform, live!

 *finally discovered a place in Davao where tea is served generously at a very cheap price: Kangaroo Coffee Company

The month gave me lots of chances to spend time with the most important people in my life, my family (friends are family, too), despite the busy schedule in the office which makes me rant too much. But my rants gave me inspiration, too! To be my own boss. To start a business with my best friend. Ha-ha

A silly idea, but seriously, I really want to make this idea of ours work in the near future. We're still planning on it though, and we're giving ourselves enough time to think, and think, and think it over again, and again, and again. I will blog about it as soon as I can.

Happy Bonifacio Day!

Tomorrow is my sister's 23rd birthday! I miss her so much. I miss you, Ate Kaka :)

On the 2nd is my other sister's birthday! Come home soon! I'll treat you at Lachi's and Sushi Dito!

*and because my sister, Kaka, is in the U.S. of A right now (still studying) they will both be celebrating their birthdays on the same day! (1st of December in the U.S. falls on the 2nd here in the Philippines because of the 12-hour time difference) I love you both, Kaka and Kikits! :*

Enjoy the rest of the week! :)

That's me. Don't laugh.

Awkward

I'm twenty-one and I don't really know where I'm going.
Believe it, or not, I just finished a tv series at past 2 in the morning and had a serious struggle with myself and a fight with our cat. I don't know whichever sounded weirder and I can still here myself palpitating.
Is this just the post-series effect when you get to absorb everything, especially the end part, and force yourself to relate to what you have just watched? Or is it just me, getting all paranoid about it? And it seems like I am because I even used the TV series' title as this post's title.
(11/27/11 - past 9pm)
(I wrote this last night but I fell asleep while typing)
I feel better now and realized that my mind just got all wobbly due to sleeping late, effect of caffeine from yesterday.
The loud noise of the wind just now is trying to send me to sleep, reminding me that tomorrow is another working day. But this book I'm holding wants me to read through it until my eyes say no. I couldn't care less and I've checked my alarm already. 4.45am, it says. I have 6 hours.
(11/28/11)
I fell asleep, yet again, while typing a supposed continuation of the post. That's pretty normal, though. My friends get amazed on how I can sleep anywhere at any time. May it be in the classroom, sitting on my chair with my head on the desk, having a class or not. Teachers may say it's unfair on their part, but I can't help it, it's a bit if heaven while on a boring or maybe not-so-boring lecture. It's an escape from the harsh world of the academe. That's how I felt back then. But not now. Not anymore.

Free Time and Food. No, Not Free Food.

I just happened to notice, I got off from work way too early than the usual. Though it got a little delayed since our Christmas party is coming up and my group (yes, we have groupings for our presentation on the 10th of December, and yes, we're serious about it. Haha) had to meet to get into the details of our "Alladin", a musicale presentation. I am part of the ways and means committee and have to become hmmm, more resourceful since we'll be in-charge of the needs of the group, from costumes to food.

At about 7.30, I left the office and went straight home as I always feel excited to go home. And now that I am a bit free (which does not happen too often), I am getting confused on how to use my free time. So here I am, writing a new blog post.

My day at the office didn't get as busy as it usually is. I spent my free time reading blogs about food and restaurants here in Davao, and boy, I caught myself drooling, literally. Well, not literally, of course. OK, that was lame. My boss even told me that it seems like I am not on a diet when she noticed that I've been staring at delish-looking food.

And so I made a list on my notebook of the places to visit and eat whenever I get the chance, and the cash. I've already been to some and I do want to go back because of their undeniably good-tasting food. More than half of what's on my list, I've never been to.

(in no particular order)

*Belito's Vine Yard (Palm Drive, Bajada)

*Kangaroo Coffee Company (Tiongko) I pity myself for not having been here yet

*KopiRoti (spelling?)

*Handuraw Pizza

*Tiny Kitchen

*Zabs Buffet (Roxas Ave.)

*Cafe Marco

*Sushi Dito (aaaahhh! Those photos of Jap food got me salivating again! Ha!)

*Pablo's Steaks & Crabs

*Mamu's Bar (Bacaca)

*Sigol Bab Sang (Korean food)

*Harley's

*Al's Diner

*Cafe Andessa 

*La Piscine Grill & Cafe (Palm Village, beside Bo. Obrero)

*Lachi's (ohmnomnomnomnom)

*Swiss Deli

That's just part one of my list. Some restos that I've not been to in Abreeza are quite fancy, but yea, they're on my part two :)

I wish I could just pig-out without gaining any weight. *wishful thinking in here*

Bands and Gigs

Gab Alipe w/ the Powerspoonz

Fangirling with Carlos of Up Dharma Down 

 Of course, The Armi of Up Dharma Down

 Franco, 11-19-2011

That's me, fangirling.

I haven't really been to plenty of band gigs, and I haven't been to any concerts. Like real concerts.

I recall attending that Nina, Jimmy Bondoc, and Paolo Santos gig when I was in high school because my older sister needed some chaperon back then. (Or maybe I am just making this up). So my father and I went with her but didn't really sit together since she was with her friends. And after that, I don't remember if I ever went to any more gigs except for the recent ones.

First, was that Up Dharma Down gig at Jack's Ridge, circa December 2010 which I've already blogged about. Second, as you can see above, was the Powerspoonz Vs Urbandub gig last March, which I've also shared from my past post/s. Another, which I reckon is the best ever, was again from Up Dharma Down last September. And just recently, Franco at Abreeza, from last night.

I love the feeling of going to gigs. It makes me feel closer to the people I look up to from the music industry. And hearing their music live is an orgasm to the ears, eargasmic, as they say. I get to witness how bands handle a crowd and also how much their fans love them.

And after that is the hangover mode. It's when you don't listen to any other music except theirs for the next few days, or ever for weeks! Or is just me? Haha!

I am looking forward to seeing these bands again, and many more bands!

But really, I want to see Up Dharma Down play their music live again, and again, and again.

#fan

Untitled

Better be untitled. Rants coming your way.

I now have a valid excuse for myself on why I barely get the chance to write a post. Tah-dah! My laptop's broken. It's been dead for over a month now and I haven't had the chance (money and time to be specific) to have it checked and repaired.

That's what appears when you turn it on. It's too pathetic. Can't retrieve my files. Boo!

So now, I'm kind of trying to tease my mother on handing/lending me hers which is what I am using now.

But I really want my bulky, heavy, and broken laptop back.

Let me rant about blogger.com now. I am really having a hard time with regards to managing uploaded photos. The settings aren't friendly for non-techie persons. Or is it just me, being a dumbass?

Enough said. Another post coming up! ;)

Laze Yourself

I've ran out of inspiration to write even a short blog post, but when my best friend introduced me to this series entitled "Awkward" I told myself that I will really, really try update my blog as much as I can, and if my 'busy' schedule permits me.
I have decided to stop my monthly-update posts because when I do try to recall all that's happened, the mind goes blank. Just perfect. It's either too many things have happened and can't try to catch up with my memory-recall game, or I just don't remember anything. I do admit that I am very, very forgetful.
Good thing is, I take photos of almost anything with a very helpful friend, my unnamed iPod. I like how it takes photos of the lowest quality, it looks beautiful to me though. And so, when I really want to remember events of the past (past month/weeks/days) I try to check my photo gallery to help me recall. Or I just ask my best friend. She's the best in helping me with details of just about everything.
Most of the time, I get too lazy to stop and recall and decide to just move on with my life, which has become a bad habit of mine. I know that once in a while we need to pause and reflect about the haps and mishaps of our lives. But getting up as early as 4.45 and going home as late as past 23 as my daily routine does not allow me to do such reflection. I don't even get enough rest and I don't think I am getting enough compensation for this when I only receive a little above minimum wage a month. Okay, so now I am ranting. I can't help it. I'm just tired.
But still, and yes, I thank God for each tiny blessing that I get.
Will try to make another post with photos. Thank you!

;)

Skin Ink

At 10/05/2011, past 10pm, I got myself inked. It's something that I've wanted for so long. I've long waited for the right time for it to happen.
The design I chose isn't really the one that I've thought of having. I do like it, but my tattoo-artist friend/neighbor and I thought that I needed to have a trial session first before I go on with the final design that I want to have. The trial session was basically to test if I can take/tolerate the pain. I knew in the first place that I would, but I had my doubts.
And yes, I was right. It went well. It was painful but it's a different kind of pain. It's the one that you're willing to go through. Like a positive kind of pain (there is?).
The tattoo design is composed of 4 flying birds (my mom said they look like bats, oh well). And we all know for sure what flying birds mean. It literally means 'freedom'. Which is where I am right now, which is where I want to be, which is what I've always wanted o feel.
I kiiiid. Ha ha. But yea, it's true, in a way. I guess. I still live with my parents, I still ask for their permission on things I want to do, I still seek their advice, but the fact that they now allow me to go on with what I want to do is what I call freedom, in a shallow way. Yes. But still...
And allowing me to get myself a tattoo somehow means that it is I who decide for myself and they serve as my guide.
The real/final tattoo design that I want to have is currently stored in my files. Ha ha. And I'm pretty sure it'd be more painful that the one that I just had since there'd be more 'lining' and 'shading' to do, and it's a bigger one, too.
I will share the meaning of my 'next' tattoo design when I already have it on my skin ;)
Have a pleasant weekend!

Just trying out

I saw this app and thought that I needed to download it due to my busy life that I do not even have a minute to update my blog.
Yey! I can even post photos!
So I guess that's it.
Prolly going to update more often.
#okwhocaresduh
Adios! ;)

Haps that have Happed part 3

April of 2011

Came the time of real hardwork. I was on my first week at work and hell, it was hard and fun at the same time, but most parts got me thinking that being at school is a lot easier that working your ass off to earn money at a place entirely different from what you've been used to.
That's when I realized that time is not mine anymore. I had to wake up real early, 5 in the morning, the least, and prepare for the family's breakfast since we no longer have a helper at home.
I leave the house with my father, rarely with my mother, at seven and arrive at the office a few minutes before eight. I work from eight to six in the evening, and pretty much often when tons of things have to be done, I go overtime. Though my work is really, really simple, still, I have to put in mind that mistakes are not very welcome in the field. And as you might have guessed, I've had too many of them. Saying sorry cannot take them back, you really have to find a way to make them right again, things like asking the boss on how to mitigate them, negotiating with the bank, and too many more things I need not tell. (kasi nahihiya na ako)
Anyway, since my work has gotten much of my time, it was not only I who needed to adjust, but also my family and my best friend. I had lesser time to skype with my sister, wash the dishes, do some chores, talk with my family, and all those stuff that I enjoy doing. I even deactivated my facebook. My best friend also did her on-the-job training at Dole Philippines, 4 hours away from Davao, and goes home on weekends (until the last week of May). Time management was, and still is, very important to me at this time of my life. I wish I could manage my time better.

When I am not at home or at the office, weekends are spent with these people:

 But not too often anymore. The last time we saw each other was just last week but prior to that, it has been more than a month. Looking forward to seeing you all again!

Haps that have Happed part 2

March of 2011
Nothing really happened. I kid. The month went so fast that I didn't really keep in mind that it was the month of graduation, my last month in school with my beloved teachers, friends, and classmates, and of course my best friend. It was hard for me knowing that the future seemed a little too vague. I wasn't sure of what was there to do, I didn't know what to expect since I didn't really have any plans in mind.

 

These were the bouquets I received on my graduation day, one from Mama and the other from my best friend. Thank you.

Here's Papa, my brother Bingo, and Mama while we were waiting for our food at some place to have lunch after our commencement exercises.

And these are some of the few photographs taken on the same day. I miss my friends and I miss school/ing. I miss being with my best friend almost every free time that I have in between classes.

 I was one of the lucky Davaoenyos who witnessed the Urbandub vs Powerspoonz's attack of the south gig last 26th of March. I watched it with my brother, my best friend and another good friend of mine. It was really fun. I adore Urbandub since high school.

The end of March came the hard times for the family when my Lola Gaya was sent to the hospital and stayed there for many days. I couldn't even look at her because tears just come out if I did. It was harder for my father, being the oldest among the children, he had to be strong for his mother and his siblings.

Lola stayed in the ICU (intensive care unit) for days.

And oh, this was the month when I started working. I was employed at a Davao-based petroleum company. I was officially employed on the 28th. It was really hard for me especially during the first few weeks. There were lots of adjustments to be done, a new environment to adapt to. Good thing was the people in there were nice and helped me adjust, especially to the one whom I was to replace because she resigned for some reasons I don't really know. She taught me about her work patiently. And also to my immediate supervisor who was also very patient in teaching/orienting me about my work.

Though the salary isn't that enough for me, it doesn't really matter. I am currently enjoying my work for now though I've had flaws, which makes me really disappointed, I am really trying my best to be better at work, and  of course keeping in mind my obligations as a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a best friend to my loved ones.

Enjoy the week ahead!

*Posts for April, May and June shall be available when I get to have a little free time. ;) thank you

Haps that have Happed part 1

February of 2011
I recall, was one of the busiest months of the year (as of today) since it was the time of last-school-requirements completion and compilation month. Cramming is the best word to describe it. Unplanned sleepovers-that-never-were occurred pretty often just to be at pace with the demands of the academe.
I now find it difficult to blog about Feb and need the help of photographs to keep this post going.

This happened to be one of the most precious events of those times, sleep, which was barely available and this just proved how productive sleepovers were: I got a final grade of 90 in my Mgt Consultancy subject. Yes, I am happy like that.

 Early February, a week after the annual jobs fair at school, I happened to receive a call from a bank informing me that I am one of the chosen applicants to take their pre-employment exam. The funny part was the night before the call, I was out for a despedida party of a former classmate and  got home drunk. They rang first at around 10am and decided not to take the call knowing that I was still slightly intoxicated that time.

 14th of Feb, I had a date with my best friend at Tiny Kitchen, realized that it would be our last year and V-day together at school. The day didn't end without a date with my family, just a dinner at Coco's.

This photo was taken at the Crocodile Park, still part of a school requirement (Feasibility Study). Holding an albino python wasn't really part of the plan since our (my groupmates: Joan Carla Catacutan, Jhesyl Palanca, and Benjamin Fajardo III, and I) purpose was to know the price range of the different recreational/outdoor activities that were being offered in there. But since it was there already when we were on our way out, we figured that we had to avail it cause it may not happen again.

I have a blog?

I checked on my dashboard and it said:

It has been 5 long months, I reckon, since my last blog post. Though every now and then I get the idea of having constantnodols updated, I get eaten up by the sloth in me. And due to the long hiatus of being the lazy blogger, if I may say, I have decided to do separate posts on what haps have happed for each month of the said hiatus.

I also blame Twitter (@paulacrayola) for keeping me away from blogging since this microblogging site is too easy to update using gadgets like cellphones/iPods and a 140-character post, honestly, is a no-brainer which makes it a lot easier. Ha.

Now, let me start...

Tomorrow

Is this love that I'm feeling?

this sweet

and this happy

Just live like this, like we don't give a shit.

For the love of Cera :)

Tomorrow is the said deadline for our Project Feasibility Study on establishing a skateboarding/bmx riding (?) in Davao. I must be dead by now.

I am having this fascination on Lomography, since, like, uhmm, I don't remember. But all I do is fake lomography with my lomo app in my iPod. Pretty soon, I am definitely going to buy Lomo cam/s. Wait yooo.

For the mean time, my iPod will serve as my fake lomo cam and shoot.

Wish me luck. ;)

Life Shall Get Better

I'm in the middle of making our survey questionnaire and I decided to stop because I just wanted to. Or maybe because we talked to my sister via Skype so I had to stop whatever I was doing. And here I am, unconsciously making a blog entry when time's supposed to be used for more productive things.
Yes, the nerve of this woman is just. Unbearable.
It's not that I wanted to brag about this but, ha, I finally bought myself a Christmas gift! Which could also be my mother's pre-graduation gift because I'm not planning to ask for anything after I finish school knowing that there are more important things as to how the money can be used rather than my self-ish needs.
So, what was the thing that I bought? It's an Apple iPod Touch. Ha, ha, ha. It's the only thing that I can afford as of the moment so, yea. My best friend bought the same thing, because we're best friends, duh. I know that it's not even worth bragging, and I'm not.

earphones (picture quality isn't really that great, it's just VGA)

It got me a lot of thinking though, to buy or not. But well, I guess it must be worth it, all my savings.

As to my recent discovery, I found out what my talent is.

 I can twist my tongue better than you do.

I was counting my teeth (yes, I count them every now and then) to make sure that I have a number of missing teeth which haven't come out yet. I only have 14 upper teeth and 12 for the lower part, which makes me...abnormal. An adult normally has a total of 32, and if you noticed, I only have 26. 26 FVCKING TEETH FOR A 20 YEAR OLD LADY (or baby)! WHERE COULD THE OTHERS BE? So, while I was counting them facing the mirror, which I did for the first time, I noticed the movement of my tongue and tah-dah! There, I saw my tongue doing what I did in that photo above. I have a few friends who brag about their tongue doing it and whenever I try, I just couldn't make it. But then again, there's time for everything.

Have a great week ahead of you :)

First Entry for 2011

Since the year started and a little before the year ended, I have become an android. 3 to 5 hours of sleep a day makes me one of the prettiest zombies in town. NOT.

I am the type of person who hates pressure from school. Exams are okay, who hasn't gotten used to them? What I hate are those things that eat most of my time when I can do something more productive like reading a good book or doing household chores or just anything for my friends and family, I'd love to do those.

Project Feasibility Study. This is the final requirement for our major class this semester, the last semester of my college life. Every week, we shall be submitting 1 part of the study. We've already submitted one last week, the technical aspect of our study. Days from now, the market study is to be submitted and I don't know the rest anymore.

I'd rather read our lessons than make these stuff, like I am allergic. Ugh, which leaves me to an option of quitting school. Ha, ha, ha. Kidding. I've come this far and now I'm quitting? I must be a moron.

One thing is, I don't really like the feeling of 'working' at an office while still in school. Yes, on-the-job training, I am disappointed. I mean it's really nice to be in the office with all these cool people who are always busy doing something but still have the time to talk and joke with all the other guys in there but I just don't like the feeling of being alone in there, not having the courage, so to speak, to join them. I keep myself distant, being that introvert that I am. And I still have classes to worry about which make me feel more disturbed.

I guess I've been ranting too much. I just needed this cause I don't really have anyone to tell.

Graduation day is less than 2 months away, this gives me a reason to do good in my ojt. Well, haven't been absent because hours are counted and the less I get absent, the sooner I can finish it and have more time for school stuff.

Going on with my ranting, I feel like I'm the kind of person who cannot really keep up with attachments, the friendship type of attachment. One of the most basic things that keeps me connected to my old friends is my mobile phone. I receive text messages from friends every now and then but knowing the indolent person that I am, I usually make my replies short and delayed. It's not that I am doing it on purpose, but it's just me. Usually, I forget that I've read/replied to a message not until I read it again and check my sent messages.

Ugh, my life is so dull and resentful right now. I need a break.