Christmas Gifts

I've been thinking of Christmas gifts already. Haven't bought gifts for my family and friends. But I am trying to organize them in my list already. I have the optional category and the people on that list are the ones that I... never mind.
My best friend's birthday is coming up and boy, I just can't think of anything to give her. I need HELP!

Everyone has been making and going through their Christmas Wish List, I'd like to make one but on the contrary, I can't think of anything that I want either. But I can definitely make a list of things that I do not wish to receive this CHRISTMAS.

Here goes my list.

What I do not want for Christmas:

1. Soaps (soaps of any kind)
Who on earth would want to receive a fucking soap this Christmas? TELL ME.
I just think that it's stupid. I bet Natalie Tran can help me explain.

click the link to watch video

2. Mugs
This is like giving me a thing that I don't need. Well, I do use mugs to drink
my coffee, and sometimes my tea. But I can buy this anytime of the year!
So, you know what to do.3. Candles
(see video for Soaps) It means Thanks and Fuck You.


4. Umbrellas
I know that this thing is what I need everyday of my life.
But I don't want your umbrella. You can give it to your grandmum if you like.


5. Perfumes/Colognes
I've received a lot of perfumes during the past Christmas Parties that I've been to.
And receiving a perfume totally sucks. It's like telling me straight to my face that I smell like a garbage truck.
(I've given a number of perfumes and colognes for Christmas, I know your pain)

I'd like to make a longer list but I can feel through my veins that I am such a rude person. I am just saying that these are not very much appreciated for a person like me.

Thanks for the gifts!

Have a Happy Christmas, Everyone!

Yesternight With Up Dharma Down

If you'd visit my house today, you'll really notice the music. My siblings and I are playing Up Dharma Down songs again and again that even my father is loving the band. This is the effect of the band's magic. We watched their gig last night at Kai's Bar at Jack's Ridge. It was the coolest. Unforgettable. Wonderful. I'm getting obsessed!


I haven't taken pictures from last night due to the lack of resources. :)) But I have a few from a very good friend of mine.

Armi Millare for the keyboards and vocals

Carlos Tanada for the lead guitars

The band with Kristin (my sister) and Cyndie (her friend)

I don't have a picture with them because I got a little shy and all :D but maybe if I'll see them again, I'm going to have one.

Kudos to Up Dharma Down for rocking the night! Until your next visit!


Wow. I just love them :)

Those Headphones Are Yours

I don't know how stupid this sounds but I hate people who wear their headphones and listen to some songs on their music players and put it on full volume as if it's some sort of mini speakers for everyone to hear. And this usually happens when I'm riding the jeepney. Can't they hear anything from it when it's already there, inside their ears, playing directly right to the eardrums?

This thing happens often cause i ride the jeepney pretty often so it gets me annoyed pretty often. It's just too stupid of them to do it. And when they pay for the ride and say "Bayad ho" wooow! they're like shouting already! Like wtf. I know this sounds rude but here are some of the reasons that I can think of on why they're doing it:

1. To show off their mp3/ipods/or some players of any sort
2. They want to go deaf early
3. They've gone deaf earlier
4. They want to let everyone know that they're listening to some COOL songs
5. They think that everyone wants to listen to what they're listening also
6. They're retards.

Noise Loud noise is known to be a major cause of hearing loss in people of all ages. One example is bombing, and another is loud music which teenagers are often exposed to.
click on the link to learn more

I just wanna say that those headphones are yours and not ours. So do your thing alone and keep the volume enough for you to hear the player and a little noise from the surroundings.

*The hell I care with you. Oh yes, I do care. Why did I even write about this in the first place?*

Bitterness Comes After

After a break-up, is it really necessary to cut ties with the the ex-lover? Well, it could depend on the reason for breaking up but, is it really necessary to forget everything that has happened between you and the other?

Well I know a few ex-couples who haven't talked and haven't had any communication yet after their relationships ended. But should they really forget about the friendship that they once had?

* Do I make any sense in here? *

I just think that it's kinda rude especially when the other has a new one already ( a week/month after the breakup ) and the other one is enjoying the life of being single and the other who has found a new one wouldn't even dare look at the ex. How rude is that? If it's because the new gf/bf gets jealous or insecure of the ex, please, get a life! Could you be a little open-minded in this case?

Ok, so our opinions vary. For me, it just ain't right for these two people to end everything even their friendship. If you can't even say a simple "Hi" or even look at the other, then you may not have moved on yet, bitter of the newly-ended realtionship. You're just making it hard for the both of you, even the new lover could be affected. All I want to say is that, you need time to heal between relationships (I read this somewhere, from Coelho's twitter perhaps). You don't commit yourself when you're not ready, getting into something that you're not even sure of. And this could just hurt the new lover.

I was just 'texting' with this friend of mine and has given me the idea to blog about what's currently happening to his life. Not my life, ok? Haven't been through it.

I am no Dr. Love

I haven't had any experiences with this feeling that has made many of us go crazy, mad, blind, stupid, and worse, a rotting body six-feet under the ground. This feeling that we know as Romantic Love. But why do my friends bother to ask for my advice? Have they gone nuts? How could a 'little girl with no experiences' like me give them a helpful advice about love? It's weird, really. But somehow, it gives me a reason to know more about it.

Last Monday, during my vacant hours, I was with one of my classmates and we were talking about her 'Love' life and that includes her boyfriend, of course. While we were talking, tears suddenly fell from her eyes. And I was like, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE?!!! I just told her what I know is true. Well, that could somehow explain why. The truth is ugly, right?

So yea, she was crying during our talk. And what have I told her? 'You've got to stop already. It is not making you happy anymore. You don't even feel that you're being loved. So what's the point? Your boyfriend only remembers that he has a you when he needs you or when he has extra, extra time.' So, how was that? Can I qualify as Dr. Love now? I don't. I don't even know how things work in that kind of relationship and I am no guru for sure.

But it feels really good when friends share things like this. It's as if I am a big help. You know that feeling, eh? I feel like an expert.

Life is but a Box of Chocolates

Forrest Gump: My Momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you gonna get."

This line, taken from the movie Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump, is one line that I can never really forget. I've also used this in my other blog and I want to use it again because it teaches us about life, teaches me about what I choose for myself.

I always think that when I choose something for myself, I know what good it does for me and what consequences are there to be faced after. But it was never that way. I never knew what really goes after every decision that I make. There are times that I can only think of the palpable ones, the usual aftermath.

And now, I'm paying for what wrong I've done to myself. So long...

It is but the Ugly Truth

I therefore confirm to myself that ALL MEN ARE THE SAME. And that is the awful and ugly truth that we all women have to accept.

and maybe that's why I am still single.

because I'm all mixed up

Things come into my mind randomly, and in case you haven't noticed, i got one of the weirdest minds. Well, probably not. But yea, I consider myself one.

I wish you get tired of reading this so that you'd not continue to read about my garbage-working mind.

The last few days of school for the first semester of this year have been devastating (and I'm kinda like exaggerating things here, but yea. Bear with me). I would like to entertain the idea that this semester could have been one of the semesters that I've pretty much liked for a few reasons. It has really given me reasons to give up, but i got along with the pressure anyway. I just don't know if my grades did, I still have to wait for a few days.

Here's a trivia. I was never really allowed to spend the night at anyone's house for no valid reason. But just last month, i didn't even ask for my parents' permission to stay overnight at my classmates' houses (there were two of them). I just kinda informed them that I had to do this and that and that and I wouldn't be able to make it if I didn't do it there. So yea, they were like obedient parents. I love them.

Our family has the worst house that I've ever been to. Like seriously. I've been to my classmates' cribs and theirs were far better than ours. And my Mum is an engineer(civil), just imagine the irony. And I've been living here for 16yrs now (and counting). Our house could be the fugliest that you could ever imagine, but hey! I live here!

I have this thing which you may recognize as "paranoia" and yes, it's a disorder, a psychiatric disorder to be little specific. I haven't really consulted a specialist about this but i know for myself that I am a bit paranoid. I hate it when people leave me. I don't like the feeling of being alone. I get a little possessive over some things/people whom I do not really own in the first place. This could be the reason why I do not trust people easily. I still have to let time tell me if the person could be a good friend or not a friend at all. And this is what I totally hate about me. *sucks like hell

But i do know that someday, I shall be alone, with no one to turn to if all things fail. Maybe that's why I'm like this to have myself prepared? I do not know if that's acceptable to normal people. But this how I live, and I've been like this for quite some time now. Now, if you're my friend, you could turn your back on me as you read this. This serves as a warning :)

When I was a bit younger, I never really believed in best friends. I forced myself to think that they don't exist. Up until now, as I remember those days, I canI recall that I do have a point. But I admit that I do have a best friend now. I just find it a little complicated.

I don't really want to have a boyfriend until I graduate from college. It's not that I'm being selfish or what but for the mean time really, it is beyond my imagination to have one. And my best friend's dentist knows that i don't want to have one until my best friend finds herself one. That would be fair enough, I guess...

I admit to myself that I get too jealous most of the time. I get jealous when old friends get busy with other things, like new acquaintances, new friends, old,old friends. You get what I mean? naaah. You shouldn't. It's far from your bright mind. But the point is, I'm green-eyed, and that's baaad.

Can best friends really become ex-best friends? Somebody explain to me. Because, I'm thinking that the person that you now call your ex-best friend hasn't really been your best friend? Do I make my point in here?

I'd bet on lovers becoming ex-lovers.

Facebook hasn't really been good to me these days. Posts from different people are becoming annoying. And I get to discover things which could somehow DISAPPOINT me which shouldn't, in the first place.

the long and winding road

i never had the chance to make a new post due to my 'very busy' schedule. whenever i think of posting a new one, i always end up saying 'laterrr' and so... yea. no updates for quite some time now.

i've done plenty of things for the past few weeks (or months) and never had the chance to share it. so yea. let me.
little reminder: these are the ones retained on my very forgetful memory (forgive me, but i can do nothing about it) and are not in any particular order. i write what i want to

*school has gone worse. my grades are fucked up. i am not doing any good. i need help. good thing i have my best friend, Krissie/Kah, to help me and remind me on what i have to do.
'Gas, study na. wag kalimutang magstudy ha?'
'Gas, diba may exam kayo? mag-aral na'
'Gas, wag matigas ang ulo ha'
and the list goes on and on and on. cool eh?

here she is
(on the picture: Kariza 'KRISSIE' Marie Quejadas and I)

*the family is not getting any better too, still fucked up. and i hate it.

*did some fun+ny things with a stranger, but the stranger's face will not be shown on the pictures below. (dahil blog ko ito at walang kokontra)pola running to keep the kite flying and eating an apple while staring at that naked person on the boat?

and drank peppermint tea na nilagyan ng forest fruits na teabag.

*went out with some friends who needed help at the moment. mga taong depressed dahil sa love life nilang di ko talaga maintindihan.
(click this to view pictures)

*and just today, i went to the Shrine of the Holy Infant of Prague, twice.
first was with a stranger: nagdasal siya dahil may problema

second was with Krissie: dahil stressed out na raw siya and she needed a place to relax and meditate and pray. so we decided to go there and prayed.

*tumambay sa Coffee at the Yellow Hauz for an hour kanina with Krissie pa rin, para makapagchill after a very stressful week. i had tea (mango and passion fruit) and she ordered 'COFFEEteria' and we shared with the carbonara. wala na kasi kaming mga pera. but it was worth it, having to spend time with your best friend, telling her what you want to and what you're thinking about, isn't that great?

that beetle

two of my older 'kuyas' from the neighborhood went to my house just a couple of hours ago to borrow my algebra book. and they brought with them this Volksgwagen Beetle which got me drooling.

i've always fancied having something like that. and also driving, which i haven't done yet. my father has not taught me yet, and our 'vehicle' (which is a lame one, such a poor thing, and disgusting too) is just not... acceptable or appropriate for practice. haha. how rude was that?

to make things simple, i want to have a car and learn how to drive. simple, right? if someone could just teach me... i'd be glad. yea!

and if someone could just buy me a car... multiply the gladness by 10 to the nth power!

so, school has just started. we're still in the middle of our first week and i haven't met all of my teachers yet, but i feel like i am already exhausted. this is going to be a difficult semester for me that the probability of getting a failing mark is very high. one of my teachers even said that what we're doing is SUICIDE. cool eh?

i wanna hug my pillow. my best friend. my friends. and do nothing more. i don't want to go to school anymore. i hate this.

best friends and camera

i can always remember my grade school life. i was too young and innocent. ignorant. i've had too many friends (or acquaintances) way back. well, i can still remember their names and who they were back then. some were rich, others were average. some were cool, some were trying to be cool, but some were just them.
i can write what i remember and what i can only remember. my apologies to those persons whose names i shall mention (for i may have spelled them incorrectly).

grade 1: i was a short girl in our class. so tiny that my classmate mr. cylron lozano would bully me around. i even fought with mr.bart hernandez because he was sort of ruining my bag. but i've had few good friends: ms. bea desales, ms. camille caballes and a few whose names i can't remember. we were pretty close that they even share their food with me.

grade 2: it was a school year full of fun and more fun. i was like a teacher's pet because i always stayed in the classroom every after dismissal to help her around. but i wasn't exactly like that, my classmates didn't hate me, hmm. im not so sure about that. i even experienced being a little entrepreneur. i sold candies to have extra allowance. and my good friends were crazy. we (ms. rica andico, ms. lou bacus, ms. codette rosete, ms. josine protasio, and etc.) play 'takyan' almost every break time. i was part of the 'boyish' group in the class. but i've had girly friends too, like ms. sharina danue (who's still a good friend up to now) and ms. joanna kaye martin. boys were not too friendly but were still good: mr. opep sorongon, mr. austin suico, and etc.

grade 3: every year just becomes more fun. our adviser was such a caring one, more like a mother to us. and during this grade, i started going to classmates' houses like ms. miriam dizo's for group works, my father started allowing me. my friends were so great that we've become so close: ms. nadine hernandez (who taught me a few spanish words and sentences), ms. teresa dujali, ms. kimberly espino, ms. stephanie magno, ms. angelle gambuta (iLai-who knows me too well up until now), and a lot more friends.

grade 4: was a crazy year for me. me and my classmates started doing crazy stuff. i've had groups of friends. i even remembered this one classmate (mr. willard chua) who was asked by my teacher to give her a compound word and he answered 'fuck you?' what a nasty answer.
i also went to classmates' houses more frequently like: ms. mizzy martinez's, ms. minin sinsona's, ms. ina durante's, ms. nadine hernandez's, ms. josol matalam's, mr. eric colot's and maybe a few more and even mr. lorenzo borromeo's, who was not my classmate. guy friends (mr.wiwi chua, mr. jeremiah guting, mr. elvin dayanghirang, mr.bien recede-class president, and mr. peter pegarro-my closest guy friend) were really funny cause i was the only girl among the group and they tell me guy stuff, even their crushes in our class.
there was even this funny event when my girl friends were fighting and was divided into two groups and we kept on cursing bad words towards each other. haha! that was really funny.
i can also remember this time when me and my close girl friends swore that we'd be best friends forever. that was... cool. but i was the one who left them during high school- i transferred to a public school.

grade 5: one of the best years of my grade school life. the class was fun. we were composed of intelligent and very nice students. mr.peter pegarro and i were part of the noisy yet funny ones. we had different groups, the intelligent group: ms. joan and (joang, i used to call her), ms. stephanie suarez, ms. jan ynez raya and ms. kiselle campos. the on-the-go group: ms. rio jane maja, ms. katya tan, me, ms. danielle rafil, mr. neil nadua, mr. pegarro, ms. alisa robin and a lot more (that i missed cause i can't remember). we also have the athletes: mr. felix pepito, mr. arwen (i forgot), and i forgot. apologies.
peter and i were always making fun of people. but we don't offend them though (as what i remembered). we were just... fun!
i started playing counter strike with my classmates and go to malls with them. and we had cars, care of mr. wiwi chua's (rav4 and accord) and mr.hilario galindez's (van).
and also during ms. kimberly espino's birthday celebration (i was invited though we weren't classmates anymore) me and my close friends swore that we'd be best friends forever. cool, yea.

grade 6: closest friends were ms. lea ortega and ms. hannah sorrosa. we were a fun group. but we also had misunderstandings, silly fights. and i still have our letters. hohoho! the class was hilarious! there were transferees: ms. chenny lim, ms. jo eleria, ms. jomarie enriquez, and more. there was even a time when we were all against one, the class vs ms. achie delos reyes. such a childish act for us because we all agreed that we don't like her and she was like a teacher's pet and a thing about boys, it was mr. pepito, i think? and this issue was solved (im not so sure about this) before the school year ended. and we were all back as friends.
just like the previous year, we had groups in the class. and i can label them as the a)tall people: ms. francine lon, ms. steffi dizon, ms. danisa aguilos, and... i can't remember, gossipgirls: (haha!)me,hannah, lea, francine, danisa, and a few who i can't remember.
the athletes: mr. enrico solon, mr. felix pepito, mr. marc gadia and mr. jv artes.
i remembered running for a position in the student council but i didn't win, ms. debbie laburada did. but that was cool. i knew i wouldn't function well. hahaha

these are just few of my past that i can remember and i can take writing. but i do remember more people, more friends. =)
i say that i've had an awesome grade school life at a.. uhmm. good school: ateneo de davao
thanks to you, mum and dad.

and the camera. i've always. no, not always, but i want to have this camera. a Nikon D60.







it is does not have the best features a dslr camera can have but i like it. and i want it. i really want it. i'm planning to save money for it and i might have enough when i graduate. and when i can already have a job, i can save for a better lens. nice idea huh?
who'd be kind enough to give this to me? i am going to marry you. kiddin! but i might...


Paper Planes - M.I.A. Music Code

what a show!

last night was... exhausting. i knew it would happen, but last night was too soon! well i know it would have been better if it happened earlier than last night. last month perhaps? or earlier? but i didn't have the courage to do what my sister just did.
but i was thankful. thanks to my very amazing sister, kaka. i love you, b*tch.

well, it was quite a show. the house became silent and just listened to what my sister and my father have to say. okay, i was butting in but i was always stopped. so i just calmed down and listened. but still butting in when i get the chance (how annoying)

i think my sister was a bit pressured to do that. maybe because she's the oldest among us and i was telling my siblings that we should get out of this house as soon as we can and make our father feel that he's a total loser, that he should have done something before and has to do something before it's too late. well of course he should, if he wants to save this family.

okay, so you might not get what exactly i am talking about.
let me give you a recap of things.
hmm. maybe not.

so ya, i was convincing all of us, including myself that if we don't do anything about this, nothing good's gonna happen. so i bet kaka had the courage to do the confrontation herself.

my dad explained about: money, women, more women, my mother, our situation, and the like.
my sister was so good. stuttering was part of the story, of course. but if it was me who did it, i might have cried while talking (which i already did while butting in) and nothing good would have come out. my younger siblings were also there, just listening. i was just drinking tea at the corner, absorbing every word i hear. kikitz(younger sister) was sitting beside me, with tears falling down. my brother was at the bathroom but joined us at the dining table and just ate his supper, solo.

what a talk. my sister was facing my father while asking some stuff while i can't even look at him! how brave was that? or there was just too much anger inside of me that looking at him was a thing i can't take at the moment.

i woke up at 3 in the morning and didn't get the chance to go back to sleep. today's gonna be a disaster. i'll be the zombie of the 5th of June, walking around town.

enrollment is a shit nobody wants to go through. well, at my school.

i just remembered that i have a blog

oh yea. i just checked the date of my last blogpost----- March 13! two months ago.. whew. good thing i remembered.

so, ya. it's been two months of an empty brain. see? i can't even think of anything to write.
i've checked my friendster accounts , which haven't been checked for almost like 3months now. but i still can't think of anything to write.
life has become too boring for me. i even change moods easily just to make life a little funny. yea. how stupid was that?

oh ya. im not saying that i don't need fruits. but please... ------------------------ =D it was very much appreciated. thank you!

it's cool to have your mom and dad staying at different houses at the same city.. isn't that GREAT????!!!
AWESOME! NOT!

and what the f*cking hell is wrong with my tummy?! it's been acting weird lately..

rant. that's all i can do for the moment.

tulo-laway

sa jeep..
naka-upo lamang sa sulok..
nakatulala.

may isang pasahero,
enjoy na enjoy sa kanyang kinakain.
yum! nakangiti pa habang kumakain.
burger sa Jollibee? Fries sa McDo?
o Chippy?

no matter what your food is, you still got me salivating. drooling.

i don't know with you guys, but i have this thing against people eating inside jeepneys, or PUVs. they make the other passengers drool over their food. and i don't like it. maybe they aren't doing it on purpose, but still, the effects are the following:
*others who may not be watching you eat but have seen you eating tend to salivate
*you make me swallow my saliva and i do my best not to let any one notice it
*you make me look somewhere else where i won't be able to watch you eating cause i don't want any of you to think that i am hungry and want to grab your food. and i hate it.

cause for me, i don't want any one drooling over my food. it just ain't right.

well, unless you'd want to share your food with everyone. that wouldn't be a problem.

Stupid is as Stupid does.

and because i am stupid(and i do accept the fact that i am), i can just write about stupid things. cause i'm good at this. always been good at this.

yesternight (last night =D), i went out with some of my friends. and told my mum and my best friend that it wouldn't take long. so yea, that was stupid. cause we got to the place at around 9pm and we left the place at 1am. not too long, right? stupid. and i got home with alcohol working inside my fuckin brain. and said a lot of stupid things like, 'so, what do you want me to do?.....................' and yea. crazy stuff. that was so not cool. and stupid. and i am.

see? this is going nowhere. you may be reading the wrong blog.

i can still feel that my tummy is not feeling right.

i wonder what mum's gonna say if i told her that i love her personally.. yea, that's stupid. i haven't told her those words seriously and personally.

my ass aches. and i need to take a bath. i still have some apologetic lines to rehearse for. and i can just do it inside the bathroom. 'i'm sorry.. i didn't mean to do it.'
-what a stupid line.

i do hope and pray that mommy joan won't be breaking up with daddy sam. i don't wanna lose my family at school. yesternight was a stupid night.

yea, thanks to hamz, joan of arc and daddy sam, and poi(who arrived late) and to myself for spending the night like yesternight. and it won't happen again.

and i got to end this cause this post is really stupid.

i think rats should rot in hell

i hate rats. they're disgusting. i hate them. i think they should all rot in hell. like what are they supposed to be doing in someone's house? ruin their things? see how unhelpful these creatures are? they are uggghh. so fucking annoying! and they're not even cute! how can anyone take them as pets! they're pests, not pets at all!

see this picture?
now, would you like to have a pet as disgusting as this?



and i hate them more because these creatures are very intelligent. like they know what to eat and what not to eat. so they don't easily die. i fucking hate them.

learn to appreciate the art of being alone

1:00 pm. Saturday(yesterday at the gazebo at school). lunch? yes.

i get to be alone for some time. i do like the feeling of being alone at times. it gives me time to think of things that i often miss, simple things that can easily be forgotten.

it's been long since i last ate lumpia shangai (uhhm?). i prefer to have the lumpia from Dencia's. or maybe it's the only place i remember eating them and can still remember the taste. one thing i miss. oh yea.

i haven't read a book since the year started. you know, novels and the like (not textbooks, of course). I'm thinking of buying a new book. I'm just not sure what it would be. maybe it's time for me to go to bookstores and do the hunting myself. the question is: do i have the cash to buy one? i bet.

even before college started, i was already imagining myself not having close friends at all. a 'loner' maybe. yea. i was expecting myself to be one, but unfortunately, it didn't happen. having close friends was far from what i expected, even a best friend was way, way out of my imagination. i was not even looking for one in the first place. not desperate to have one.

i wonder why leaves turn yellow when they're about to fall. why can't they just stay where they are and keep themselves green? so ya. i'm not good in plants and stuff like chlorophyll and blah blah pigmentation, but i do love plants.

I've been thinking of taking another course after i finish management accounting. i might want to study biology. umm. nope. chemistry maybe? a big NO. fine arts? i love art, but the feeling is just not mutual.

i wanna have a car.

sometimes, i believe that I'm a good person. i can easily get along with different people. but looking back at the past, i would strongly disagree. i haven't been good enough. never been good enough.

I've always wanted to have a good cam.  and always envied camera houses or whatever you call those stores selling cameras. i wanna steal all those great cams that they have.

before, i didn't like the idea of having a third sex in this world. but now, i actually don't care. these people have their one lives, so why give a damn about them?

i mean, gays are fine. well, gays are great! very talented and intelligent. i do love them. i just don't like some gays who think that they're superior over the others, you know. and some don't even care if they're already stepping on someone or hurting others' feelings because of their tactlessness. the rude ones.

lesbians? they're fine. i just don't know how to deal with them because i haven't had any close friends that are lesbians. some just irritate me. they feel like they're more manly than straight men. c'mon, why do you have to open your books while sitting/riding PUVs/jeepneys or whatever and feel like you have balls in between? i just hate it when you occupy toooooo much space.

but i do have nothing against you.

i don't know how to dispose trash properly.

i wanna see how things rot. leaves, the human body, garbage, biodegradable stuff. i think it's cool.

sometimes, i prefer Go Nuts over Krispy Kreme. but sometimes, i don't.

i love my mum. i love my dad. yea.

i wonder how it feels like to become bald. like having no hair on my head at all. i might like the feeling after all.

because i said so!

'you have to do it because i said so!'

who'd want to have the kind of person who says this line all the time? so.. demanding. well, maybe if i get a job and work, my boss will have the right to say that sentence to me. but for ordinary people, nah-ah. a major headache.

well maybe my parents have the right to tell me that, but it should come with an explanation i guess. or a clear purpose on why i have to do what they say.
i've always hated people bossing me around. i mean, i can't get along with them well. i remember this time in 4th grade when my former close friend and i were so against this classmate of ours cause she was like the boss for all seasons, like the leader and we always have to follow what she says like she got the best ideas in the world, and so yea, we went against her. you know, kiddie fights. showing her our dirty fingers(middle finger) and we kept on saying 'fuck you.' haha!
and whenever i have a classmate who bosses us around, that classmate will always be the outcast like fuck off, you don't have the right to boss us around. and this only proves that we never want bossy people in our lives. well most of us, if it doesn't include you.
so if you want to boss people around, make sure that you're in the right position to do it. and always think of what you want to let the others do for you. be sensitive enough that sometimes expectations can't be met. you just have to deal with it in a mature way.
or you'll end up being a loser. double loser.

things i find fun+ny

there are lots of things that i find pretty funny. i find myself funny at times =D, but what i want to share are the little things that make me happy... so to mention a few( if i can't mention all), let me show you a list:

HAPPY THINGS for a Happy Heart
1. coffee: this is the best drink that has ever entered my digestive system. it really relaxes me in times of.. err. grief? well, i love coffee. i'd love to drink coffee with anyone. but i love drinking coffee with my best friend the most. we get to talk about anything under the sun. you know, things that normal friends talk about. but we have plus+plus! and i love the feeling: sipping coffee at a coffee shop.

2. smiles: i love receiving smiles from different people. calms my heart. really, really makes me happy. i become happy whenever i see people happy, well most of the time. there are some exceptions to this of course. but naturally, i become happy seeing people smile. i love flashing smiles to everyone too! well, everyone i know. hmm. friends, to be specific.

3. hugs: i love giving a hug/ hugs to everyone. i don't know. there's this thing going on with my system that whenever i see a friend, i automatically go near him/her and give him/her a hug and even with a 'beso' kung sa pinoy pa. well, i might sound scary, right? but sometimes, i do control it because i don't want these new friends of mine to freak out or become shocked. haha! but sometimes, i can't stop it. =P so yea, beware...

4. the hair: i like running my fingers through a person's long hair. i find it pretty. i love holding and touching it. haha! freaky right? so you better cut your hair short so you won't see my fingers tangled up with it!

5. funny pictures: there are some pictures that i find funny. pictures of girls(even boys) doing their cute smiles or poses. and even pairing them up with pouting lips. well, there's nothing really wrong with it. i just find some faces looking funny whenever they do it. you know what i mean.

6. kids selling banana cues/ginanggang near claveria gate: i like seeing these kids every time i come out of claveria gate. i even find the other one cute. they work hard to earn a living. and i love buying ginanggang from them. makes me happy knowing that i can help them.

7. twirling my hair with my fingers: hmmm. maybe not only twirling cause i usually play with my hair. covering my face with my hair, tying it in a stupid way, or just pulling it like i can pull my scalp off. haha

8. camera/s: well, the family owns a very ordinary digicam and maybe it's enough(?). i like to capture moments. may they be sad, happy or boring ones. haha. but it would be a lot better if i own a better cam. so mum, if you're reading this, get the picture? =D

9. naps: may they be long or short. i love taking naps. naps give me short dreams. and usually, i get happy dreams!

10. friends: friends always make me happy. they don't fail. old friends, new friends, they're the same: all close to my heart. i love them all.

these are just a few of them, i suppose. but sometimes, even if these things/people are with me, i find myself incomplete. how do i figure out what's missing? myself. time for myself alone. a must-have.

late midterm exams

i'll be taking my late midterm exams later this afternoon. too bad. i'll be taking them this late because i got sick last week and i had to see a doctor to check things out, found out that i had tonsillitis. my tonsils were what? swelling?

well, i insisted on seeing a doctor to get myself excused with a medical certificate. haha. legal right? so i don't have to make excuses, the certificate will do it for me. but here i am, suffering the consequences. i've got no one to run to. hahaha! nobody to help me.. sigh

last night was a sooo fucked up night.. but my siblings just took it easy. yea. im a proud sister. my parents were like arguing like hell and there they were, just making fun of the conversation my mum and dad were having. haha! see how cool they are? i just... love them.

and yea, i am really confused right now. like i am no longer capable of thinking. hoho. no, what i mean is i am really confused on who am i going to believe in. dad or mum? dad nor mum. yea, i think i shouldn't believe in them both. anyway, i just need the money, shelter, love from them. i can't force them to love each other (cause they really can't. haha!)  funny right? oh yea. enough of my silly words cause i might end up failing my exams if i go on and on writing silly stuff.

i still celebrated Vday.

yes. i celebrated Valentine's Day with my best friend. we had a date the whole afternoon. she even skipped her NSTP class. haha! bad girl. errr. i skipped mine, too! ^_^
i still celebrated the very famous Hearts' Day despite all these feelings inside of me, negative ones. of course, there's this family thing that i can't easily get rid off. every time i come home from school, i can't help it, but i easily change my mood. from a happy kid to sad, angry rebellious one. and i always feel bad about it because i usually come home wearing a happy face: glad to be home and eat and see your family, but this time, nah-ah. not anymore. see how bad that feels? i even refrain myself from talking to anyone at home, well maybe except for my mum. and i feel really bad about it. not talking normally to your family. we didn't even have a family date last Vday, like we used to have last yr and the previous, i think. and this is so not cool.
and yea, i just wanna share to you this thing that i'm having for almost a year now. you know, the feeling of being a loser? you know what i'm saying? that every time i see this person, i always feel guilty because of the hurt that i caused her for uhhmm.. let me get the right term for this.. having met her? because she really feels so bad about me for somewhat' stealing?' her very special friend from her? i don't know if i got the term right. yea, and that person that i 'sort-of stole' is now my best friend. do you know how that feels that whenever you're with your best friend and you see this former friend of yours, you suddenly want to disappear and give them the whole world and not come back anymore just to make this 'former' friend happy? do you get it? or that i just want to inform her that i didn't choose this thing to happen? i didn't mean to get this special friend of her off her because i didn't tell her to choose me to be her best friend. and it just pisses me off because no matter how i want to make her feel better, or no matter how many times i say sorry, it is just not working. and yes, i can still feel the anger that she feels for me today. like i get all the credits for being the 'cruela devil' , and hasn't she moved on yet? well, probably not, i don't know. but what am i supposed to do? i can't help her because she refuses to. i've tried making up to her but it just didn't work. and i think that if ever i try again, it's still not going to work. well, maybe my best friend doesn't know about this feeling of mine toward this friend of hers (cause i can't call her my friend anymore cause it doesn't fit us, yes sometimes we smile and say hi to each other but it's just not what friends just do, i mean, whatever).
and whenever i see this picture of the three of us, i want to erase my face off this picture because it just ain't right for me to be there. i've even tried to leave my best friend just to make her return to her, but it still didn't work. and i've done this a gazillion times already. see how hard it is for me to live this fucking world? and there are even things that i can't tell anyone about because i just want to keep it to myself and not let others feel pity towards me. now tell me how crazy this is? see how my life's so fucked up? and how do i get this shit off me? there's nothing that i can do! it just sticks to me! sucks right?
but nonetheless, i'm keeping my spirits up. i am still happy, well yea. i have my sister and my best friend with me. my family! and they keep me going on. you know, support?
so yea, i love these people. i still love these people. all of them that i've mentioned in this post. and yea, i pray for them. that they may forgive me. and if not, yea. so be it.

i do not know what to do. go random!

i believe my mum has read my previous post already, because i posted a link on multiply leading my contacts to this site. and now that she knows what's on my mind, i really don't know what to do.  i really don't share everything to her, i'm just not used to it. and i don't want any of my parents to know how i feel or what i think, cause i just find it corny. yea. and stupid.

oh, i just realized that we still don't have a family picture, that's cool. i wouldn't want to have one. not now.

i have been tagged or whatever you call it on facebook when you're included in the note and you gotta do the same thing, writing 25 things about yourself. oh yea, i can write a million things about myself.

there's just so much anger inside of me. and i don't feel like talking to anyone, not even my best friend. so here i am, talking to the computer?talking to the internet? oh, whatever. 

and when i hear love songs such as this song playing on the radio which i used to like, i wanna break that radio into pieces! i might sound stupid right now, and i totally don't care, cause i just don't wan to!

fuck. i just need help.

i don't know if  we'll be having our exam in history this afternoon, i haven't read any of my notes, i don't even know if  i have one. and i'm not good at it anyway, so who cares.

i haven't eaten my breakfast yet, and i'm not hungry. maybe i can just eat brunch later. i know my best friend i s sooo against it, but i just don't want to eat.

i took an exam in out business statistics subject yesterday and i'm pretty sure that i'm not going to pass. there were only 6, uhm, items and i only answered 3. huh, now who's gonna pass with that. i've always been dumb at statistics, even during high school. i have this seatmate in my statistics subject when i was still in 2ndyr high scool, Ralph Jon Ampoloquio (sorry ralph if ever i mispelled your name), and he's just too brilliant with math. and i'm like, ralph? pano to? anong gagamiting formula? fuck. soo stupid.

i think i'm going to rot in hell when i die. so be it.

my sister just asked for my cellphone number and i'm expecting an sms from her. i don't know what she's gonna tell be but i won't be surprised.

i'm beginning to hate my father. thanks to him, my mum's life has been so fucked up.

...

i don't know if i should get angry, furious, crazy, or whatever, just not the word happy. and now i've come to realize that this is not a happy world. i grew up thinking that i have a perfect family. that i have the best mum and dad by my side. but i was wrong. i know my parents go through misunderstandings often, but i got used to it. not really knowing the truth behind their silly fights. i don't know who to hate right now. and i don't know if  there's a god out there who could help me and my family. my mum believes in 'Him' of course, He's the only One she can run to. but for me, i don't think so.

now, if something bad happens to my mum, i will never, ever, ever, ever forgive my dad. i loved my dad. the key word is loved. i love my mum. i love my family. and i freakin don't know what i should do. 

i always say to myself, 'what more can i ask? i have the best family' but then again, i was wrong. i already know the truth behind those silly fights that i've been talking about. now i don't call them silly anymore. i am the one who's silly. i'm sorry mum. i never really understood you until you sent me that email that i just read this morning. and i never thought that we're already in the worst state that i can think of. how old is my sister? 20? so you suffered this marriage for 20years already? that is unforgivable. now wherever you go, mum, i'll go with you. i swear. but please, if ever i go to hell, let me go alone. never, ever come with me. i shall go ALONE.

yes, my head

i woke up with that ****** effin door banged so loudly! so who wouldn't wake up with that? well, sometimes i don't. anyways, yea. i woke up because of it. and my head hurts like hell. HELL! i wasn't able to sleep well last night. i woke up about two times plus having the difficulty to go back to sleep, cool huh? my head. my head. why does it have to hurt like hell?

oh yea.  i've received an sms from my former classmate why is a crush called 'crush', cause it's what you feel when he(a he for me)doesn't feel the same way. oh yea? sucks right? and just this morning, i saw pictures of my, uhhh, crush(?) with that.. uhggg.. hahaha! see why it's called a 'crush?' now my head hurts more. haha

i haven't really been blogging here as often as i do it in multiply cause i still am not getting used to doing this here. but maybe i will, someday. XD  and my other friends wouldn't be able to see what i've been writing here, thinking that i only post stuff at multiply. hurrah! and maybe i might spill out more of me in here.

oh, andjust to inform you,  i've already voted for the school elections yesterday, with Kieq(kah). i don't know if my vote would really help. anyway, if school activities were just announced or spread out properly, i might as well participate. i do want to participate, it's just that i only know a few people at school, and i don't know if they join such things. so, it leaves me doing it alone. nada. but i'm planning to joina few  clubs next semester. it shall make my resume a bit interesting when applying for a job soon. i should think of that this early, right?

i know i've got homework to do, but how am i gonna do it? i ran out of pad papers, my pen's missing and i hate that subject! hohohoh. so it leaves me doing my thing, playing minesweeper. i'm going gaga over this game since the day i understood this game? haha! thanks to my pop for teaching me. and i better play now or never(for this day only!) 

makes me feel like saying SORRY

saying sorry is a big thing. SORRY is a big word. and i really mean it whenever i say it..


i remember Tuesday of last week in our History50 period, Blanche, Jha, Mommy Joan and i were talking, as usual. and then the topic on saying sorry was suddenly opened. Jha said that she doesn't really say sorry. if there's a misunderstanding between her and a friend, she waits for that friend to say sorry first. and that's it. then i told her, ako pud. i never got used to saying sorry to someone na akong naka-away or just a little misunderstanding. all i do is just wait for time to heal and erase those things/feelings. and if ever i say SORRY, i really mean it. gi-swallow na nako akong pride ana. big deal? yes! because saying sorry is a big thing for me! a serious case!

so, what if a person doesn't accept my apology? i can do nothing about that but to accept it. accept the fact that i was not forgiven. i would feel bad about it, seriously. but i just can't force a person to accept it, to accept me.

i've said sorry a gazillion times already and not all were accepted. dawat-dawat na lang ko ani. in God's time... it shall be accepted. SORRY

why CONSTANTNODOLS?

why did i choose constantnodols to be the name of my site?

way back my high school days, 4thyr, some of my guy friends and Mardz were hanging out at the Heroes' Park, a 'park' in our school near the 4thyr bldg where we usually do 'tambay' when we want to cut class. but i think we didn't have class that afternoon because there was a school activity so we were dismissed early.


hmmm. as i remember, i was with Lylan Sison, Mccoy Real, Jullian Aranas, and yea, Mardz Villegas. we were making fun of each other, and talked about stuff, making fun of Jullian most of the time. haha! i don't know why we label him 'Bugo' or stupid, but we just do. bad right? but he just got used to it. and just laughs at it, though i know it hurts him. sigh


(with classmates: at the back is the Heroes' Park)

so yea, we were making fun of him. telling him that...
*when he sees/feels something, the message doesn't go straight to his brain, it passes through his fingers then passes through his underarms (that stink during early high school days, i guess) and processes the message(processing happens at his armpits) before it goes to his brain. and that is the explanation why he's stoopid. tsk. bad right?
and just laugh at our ideas. hahaha! but we're good friends after all. no harm done.

then, Lylan asked Jullian out of nowhere. i don't know if i remember it correctly (and sorry if i didn't) but i think he did ask him, 'unsa man daw tawag anang noodles na di ginaluto?' or something like that. then he answered his own question, 'di ka kabalo no? hahahah!'
-i just couldn't remember what Jullian's answer was, but Lylan interrupted and shouted 'CONSTANT NODOLS, Juls noh?!!' (which was supposed to be instant noodles) and so we all laughed. laughing our asses out!

were we rude? hah! i really don't know. we were just trying to tell jokes.

so that's where my 'constant nodols' came from. and i miss those days. making fun of everyone. childish right?

ang isang ignoramus

so here. i just discovered after a gazillion minutes on how to post a blog. it's kinda confusing cause this is not the way i post things on multiply. yes, i'm comparing things. so, ya. post, post, post. i'll post some here and some there.